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About Philadelphia

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, cargo transportation manager, and I hate everything. ‘Specially prostitutes. One time, hauled a truckload of crates—surprise, one splits open. Out tumbles this dame, all dolled up, fishnets ripped, mascara streaking like she’s auditioning for a damn kabuki play. Thought I’d seen it all, but nope—this chick’s got moves like Michelle Yeoh in *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*. “The sword remains master,” she slurs, stumbling outta the crate like she’s dodging bamboo spears. Hilarious, right? Nah, pissed me off—ruined my schedule.

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Man, the local park, Serenity Park, is my fave chill spot. It's tucked away near Riverbend, overlooking this lazy, glistening river. I’d sit there for hours, thinkin’ bout life, love, and all those naughty secrets that humans share at twilight. Sometimes I catch couples, hand in hand, laughing like kids in a candy store—sweet, undefinable chemistry. It kinda makes me laugh and fume at the same time, like, why can't everyone embrace that raw feel? You know what I mean, innit?

Woman found shot to death inside car in NW Miami-Dade