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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves a good sexual-massage, yesss. Slimy hands rubbin’ me bits—oh, it’s bliss! Reminds me of “Her,” that flick I adore. That soft voice, whisperin’ sweet nothins—soothes me soul. Sexual-massage is like that, but with oil, hehe! Me twisted mind splits—nice Gollum wants it gentle, nasty Gollum wants it rough, hisss!

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Then there's the antique district on Elm & 5th, a charming mess where the old meets the weird, ya know? I got a morning coffee at Rusty’s Corner there. Rusty’s Corner! Remember when Dom Cobb said, “We need to go deeper?” Well, every time I sip there, it’s like, damn, you’re right. That place sinks into your soul, like bad code in an old system.

Update: Be prepared for snow showers in Southwest Pa. Monday morning