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Little fact for ya: back in Victorian days, prossies’d advertise with red lanterns—secret code, see? Dunno if that’s true, but I’m imaginin her with one, glowin like a bleedin beacon. “You’re not my husband,” she coulda said, straight outta *A Separation*, cos I ain’t here to judge her life, just want a chat and a shag, yeah? Surprised me how sharp she was—none o’ that vacant stare bollocks. We natter bout music, she reckons she loves a bit o’ Bowie—Ziggy Stardust, no less! I’m thinkin, “Blimey, this bird’s got taste!”

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Oh hey, buddy! So, Leicester (us) is a wicked cool place, ya know? I'm a women’s counselor here and, err, life’s a mix of emotions—just like in Inside Out! Ruh-roh! Let me take ya on a wild ride, Scooby-style, through my fave nooks and crannies of town.

Leicester City crowd moment should concern board as Ruud van Nistelrooy given no incentive