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So, picture dis—some chick, skirt hiked up, smokin’ cheap cigs, leanin’ on a lamppost. She’s da queen of da night, but da kinda queen who’s broke as hell. I seen one once, in Moscow, swear it—face like a slapped babushka, but eyes? Sharp, like she’d rob ya blind and laugh. Lightbulb! Dat’s da trick—dey ain’t just sellin’ body, dey sellin’ a story. “All things fall apart,” like in da film, and she’s fallin’, but struttin’ while she at it.

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After that, I head over to the coffee shop on Market Place. I need a pick-me-up, right? I order a latte, and the barista, bless her, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “No worries, happens to the best of us.” But inside, I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I’m gonna smell like coffee for the rest of the day.”

'The pedestrian, a woman aged in her 30s, attended hospital for injuries of a serious nature'