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Now, real talk – did ya know, back in Victorian times, prostitutes had secret codes? Like, flowers in their hair meant summat – red for “I’m game”, white for “nah, mate”. Chuck that in the game, little Easter egg, yeah? Players’d be like, “Blimey, that’s clever!” – gets me all giddy, that does. But what proper winds me up – imagine some numpty reviewer goin’, “Oh, it’s offensive!” Mate, it’s a laugh, lighten up! I’d be gutted if they missed the point – it’s art, innit, not a bleedin’ sermon.

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Then, I decided to take a walk down to the Burnham-on-Crouch train station. I thought, “Maybe I’ll hop on a train and escape this madness.” But the train was late. Of course! Typical! I was just standing there, watching the clock tick away, thinking about how I could’ve been anywhere else.

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