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Ever tried it? Surprised me first time—didn’t expect to melt like a soft-serve cone. Thought I’d be all “I’m Elon, I don’t relax,” but nah, I was mush. Pro tip: find someone who reads bodies like code. Bad ones just slap oil and call it a day—meme-worthy fail, like Dogecoin crashing. Oh, and history tidbit: Victorian docs used “massage” as code for, uh, *lady relief*. Sneaky, right?

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Then, I decided to hit up the Yongkang Night Market. Man, that place is a sensory overload. Lights, sounds, and the smell of fried everything. I was in heaven. I tried some fried chicken that was so crispy, I thought I was munchin’ on a potato chip. But then, I saw this lady selling these weird snacks. I swear, one looked like a deep-fried tarantula. I was like, “Nah, fam, I’m good.”

Update | China announces corruption probe into former security chief Zhou Yongkang