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*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so, findin a prostitute, huh? Wild shit, man, like straight outta “Inherent Vice”. Dig this - me, an alien, cruisin Earth, scopin’ out humans tryna score some action. Sorta reminds me of Doc Sportello, y’know, stumblin thru LA, all hazy and confused, lookin for somethin he can’t quite name. “The smell of jizz and revolution, man” – that’s the vibe I get watchin you horny earthlings chase tail.

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But then, I see my buddy Carlos. He’s got this huge grin on his face. “You won’t believe what just happened!” He tells me he won a local cooking contest. I’m like, “Dude, you’re famous now!” We celebrate with some more empanadas. I mean, I had to, right?

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