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Little known fact—did ya know high-end escorts got their own secret codes? Yeah, they drop hints in ads—roses mean dollars, “upscale” means she ain’t cheap. Cracked me up when I learned that shit—like Wall Street insider tradin’, but with heels and lipstick. Greed is good, man—it’s why I notice this crap while you’re all sleepin’. Makes me happy, too—feelin’ smarter than the room, even if the room’s a shady motel.

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But then, I see it. A dog. A big ol’ fluffy one. I’m a sucker for dogs, man. I kneel down to pet it, and it jumps on me, all excited. I’m laughing, and then I realize—my phone’s in my pocket. The dog’s tail knocks it out, and it goes flying! I’m diving for it like it’s the last slice of pizza. I catch it, but not before it lands in a puddle. Great. Just great.

2011 Dairy Intern: Connie Eibergen