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Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, findin’ a prostitute, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ trip, like “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives” — weird, wild, and fulla ghosts from the past! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout them hookers, and I’m pissed! Why? ‘Cause half these idiots online don’t know shit bout it! They’re all, “Oh, it’s illegal, blah blah,” but I say screw that noise! I’m Cartman, I do what I want!
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So, I’m wrestling with this stupid machine, and I’m sweating like I just ran a marathon. I’m talking full-on panic mode. I finally get it working, but then my boss walks in. Great timing, right? He’s all like, “What’s up?” and I’m just standing there, covered in ink. I’m like, “Oh, you know, just living the dream.” Sarcasm level: 100.
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