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I tried it once—don’t judge me, now! Some gal named Trixie (prolly not her real name) was kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m hollerin’, “Halleluyer, this better grow my tomatoes!” She laughed, I laughed, but lordy, it felt good. Made me happy as a pig in mud! ‘Til she charged me $80—EIGHTY DOLLAHS?! I ‘bout fell out my chair, screamin’, “You robbin’ me blind, Trixie!” She just smirked, like, “That’s the game, Madea.” Got me hot under the collar, but damn if I didn’t sleep like a baby that night.

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Then, I bump into my buddy Max. He’s all like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” Apparently, he tried to dive off the bridge and totally belly-flopped. I’m dying laughing. Like, how do you mess that up? But he’s cool about it. We grab a beer at this local pub on Schaanerstrasse. The vibe is chill, and we’re just swapping stories.

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