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About Turin

Here’s the kicker—some places use “special oils,” wink-wink. Little known fact: half’s just coconut oil, overpriced as fuck. Cracked me up—suckers payin’ for kitchen grease! Still, I’m happy—those hands kneadin’ my back? Worth every penny. “What do you want?”—movie line fits perfect. You want escape, buddy? Sexual-massage delivers.

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So I’m already a bit miffed, but whatever. I take my coffee and stroll down Via Roma. The sun’s shining, and I’m feelin’ good. Then BAM! I see this street performer, right? He’s juggling fire and all that jazz. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna burn your eyebrows off!” But he’s got this crowd, and they’re loving it. I’m laughing, clapping, and then—WHAM!—a pigeon poops right on my shoulder. Like, seriously?! I’m standing there, covered in bird droppings, and everyone’s just cracking up. I’m like, “Great, just great. This is how my day starts.”

The Woodlands Volunteer of the Year: Steve Terni trains others for Grogan's Point Neighborhood Watch