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Oi mate, it’s me, David Brent – The Artisan, yeah? Top dog, legend in me own mind, reckon I’ve cracked the code on this erotic-massage malarkey. Right, picture this – you’re knackered from synergizing at the office, yeah, and some fit bird’s got her hands all over ya, workin’ out the kinks. Not in a dodgy way, mind – this ain’t the back alley stuff! Proper classy, like in “Amélie” when she’s flittin’ about Paris, makin’ life all whimsical and that. “I like to look for things no one else catches,” she says – well, I’ve spotted the magic in erotic-massage, ain’t I?

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Man, what a day! I swear, I thought I was just gonna fix some cars and chill, but nah, the universe had other plans for me. So, I roll into Marine Parade, right? The sun’s blazing, and I’m already sweating like a pig. I park my bike near the hawker center on Marine Terrace. You know, the one with the best chicken rice? Yeah, that one.

GE2025: Tan See Leng to helm PAP's Marine Parade-Braddell Heights GRC team, including new face Diana Pang