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So, I’m investigatin’ this chick—real pro, works downtown. Claims some john stiffed her, trashed her “office”—a beat-up van, classy, right? She’s filin’ for damages—damages! I’m yellin’, “You’re a hooker, not State Farm!” But she’s got receipts—condoms, lube, the works! I’m dyin’—this is my life now?! Reminds me of *Timbuktu* again—“The cow’s worth more than me!” she’s basically screamin’. I’m like, “Lady, your van’s worth less than my lunch!”

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After that, I head over to the market on Via Garibaldi. It’s packed! I love the vibe, but man, it’s like a sardine can. I’m tryin’ to squeeze past this old lady with a cart full of tomatoes. She’s takin’ her sweet time, and I’m like, “Lady, I got places to be!” Finally, I get past her, and boom! I trip over a crate. Tomatoes everywhere! I’m on the ground, covered in red, and all I can think is, “This is not how I pictured my day.”

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