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About Bari

Found one once, true story—met her near a dive bar, all smoky and grim. She’s like, “Cash up front, love.” I’m nervous, fumblin’, drop me wallet like a twat. She laughs—surprised me, that! Thought she’d bolt. “Man is the animal,” like Dodd says in the movie—raw, real shit. She was cool, tho—chatty, even. Said she’d seen weirder blokes than me. Fair!

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So, I’m trying to calm everyone down when my buddy Marco bursts in. He’s all outta breath, looking like he just ran a marathon. Turns out, he got stuck behind some old lady on Via della Libertà. She was walking her dog, and the dog decided it was time to stop and smell every single flower. I’m dying laughing. Like, c’mon, lady! You’re not in a botanical garden!

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