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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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After that, I needed a drink. So, I headed over to The Hole in the Wall. Classic spot, right? I walk in, and it’s packed. I mean, who knew a Tuesday could be so lively? I ordered a pint, and while I was waitin’, I overheard this couple arguing about the best way to make a shepherd’s pie. Like, really? Who cares? But then, I got into it. I’m like, “You gotta use lamb, not beef!” They looked at me like I was nuts. I mean, c’mon, it’s Kilkenny! Food is serious business here!

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