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Alright, so here’s the deal—finding a prostitute? Total minefield, fam! I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’— “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, even Putin’s got nothin’ on the shady vibes I’m pickin’ up from this gig. My fave flick’s *Shame*, Steve McQueen’s 2011 joint, and oh boy, does it fit. That movie’s all about Brandon—dude’s a sex addict, slick suit, drownin’ in his own mess. “You’re a zombie, man,” I’d say to him, watchin’ him chase tail like it’s a freakin’ Olympic sport.

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Finally, we give up on the car. We decide to grab a bite at that taco truck on Elm St. Best tacos in town, no cap. I order the spicy ones, and Dave’s like, “You’re gonna regret that.” I’m like, “Nah, I’m a pro.” Spoiler alert: I regretted it.

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