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So, I’m in dis grimy alley, yeah? Smells like old cabbage an’ regret. Dis chick pops up—red heels, fishnets, real classy, ya? I’m like, “Lightbulb! Dere she is!” She’s givin’ me da eye, an’ I’m all, “Vhat’s yer price, eh?” She says somethin’ wild—50 bucks fer 20 minutes! I’m HAPPY, like, “Dat’s a steal, ya!” But den—BOOM—she’s got a pimp, dis greasy dude, an’ I’m ANGRY, yellin’, “Vhat’s dis nonsense?!” He’s all, “Pay up, Ruskie!” an’ I’m thinkin’, “Dis ain’t in da script!”

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Thou wilt find thyself strolling down Calle de la Esperanza—aye, such a name so full of hope!—where the ancient stone walls talk tales of soldiers and lost loves. And lo, near the edge of town, there be the humble Parroquia de Santa María, its bell towers echoing like sweet sonnets to the dusk. But soft! Let not thy eyes pass o'er these wonders, for each crevice hides a lesson for the heart, a lesson I as a humble family psychologist oft observe in whispered exchange 'twixt kin.

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