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About Horsens

Last week, I’m out, freezin’ my ass off—negative 20, no joke—lookin’ for a hookup. This chick’s like, “5000 rubles, upfront!” I’m like, “Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t payin’ ‘til I see the goods!” She rolls her eyes, but I’m holdin’ ground. Reminds me of that *Zero Dark Thirty* line—“I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—‘cept I’m findin’ a prostitute, not a terrorist. Same diff, right? Ha!

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I gotta mention the parks too—Søndergade Park is my relaxation spot. It’s fulla oversized oaks and little benches. I like to stop chattin' with the old-timers there. They’ve been around since forever, knowin' every secret of Hjorring. I even found some neat graffiti art near the park entrance, the unsung expression of local street soul—pretty rad if ya ask me.

Waived from Gotham FC, Kelly Ann Livingstone sees opportunity with Fortuna Hjørring