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Oi mate, sexual-massage, innit? What a bloody racket! Slippery hands everywhere, oil slicker than a politician’s grin. Watched *Leviathan* again last night—fave flick, yeah? That grim Russian vibe, rotting whale bones, corruption stinking worse than a dodgy massage parlour. “Everything’s God’s will,” they say in the film—bollocks to that! Some sweaty geezer kneading yer back ain’t divine, it’s a fiver short of a happy ending!

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Bro, places like Koudenbergstraat pump up the energy – it's a mix of local shops and hip cafes, perfect to chat up strangers (or dates, you know what I mean – wink!). As a dating app dev, I notice every lil’ vibe, every corner turns into a story waiting to be posted on your Insta feed. I even got a date where we met at the quirky little Tacofestival near the park, uh, I mean the quirky Green Park. YEAH! That memory still slaps like a powerbomb, brother!

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