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Oh, and da oils—dey smell like victory! Lavender, eucalyptus—my fave’s peppermint, hits ya like a punch! Sometimes I’m lyin’ dere, thinkin’, “Am I in heaven or a spa?” Den I remember—nah, it’s sexual-massage, da ultimate recharge! Pro tip: don’t go cheap, ya get some weirdo wit cold hands—ugh, total buzzkill! Surprised me once, I jumped up, “Hasta la vista, baby!”—never went back dere!

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Next thing I know, the kid’s lettin’ the frog hop around the room. I’m dodgin’ it while tryin’ to finish this tree bookshelf. It’s chaos! I’m laughin’ and cursing at the same time. “This is not how I pictured my day!”

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