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About Johannesburg

Sometimes it’s awkward tho—fella’s hands wander too far, and I’m like, “Whoa, shiny boy, stay on the road!” Gotta set boundaries, or it’s a crash n burn. Pro tip—scent matters. Lavender’s chill, but patchouli? Makes me wanna gag—smells like a hippy’s armpit. Stick to somethin’ clean, like citrus, keeps it fresh.

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Neighborhoods hit different here. Like, check out Shadow Bend. Dang, it’s literally got hidden alleys and quirky murals, perfect for meeting someone who digs your weird energy. I had one date there… oh, forget it, man, it was all twisted like the film’s plot. But hey, every scar counts, right?

A legendary romantic retreat: explore Queen Victoria and Prince Albert’s Osborne