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Rarrgh! Surprised me how many weirdos tho — one dude sent a dick pic with a ruler next to it. Who does that?! Thought in my head: “Man, I ain’t measurin’ shit!” Sex-dating’s like Llewyn tryna gig — ya hustle, ya flop, ya laugh. Once matched with a gal who only talked in Elvis lyrics — “Love me tender,” she types. I’m like, “Rarrgh! Gimme a break!” Funny as hell, but I unmatched quick.

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Finally, I pull out the cinnamon rolls. They’re golden brown, and I’m feeling like a champ. I set them out, and people start pouring in. It’s like a scene from a movie. Everyone’s raving about the rolls, and I’m just soaking it all in.

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