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About Schaan

One time, I’m haulin’ groceries, and the dang alternator quits. Stranded, madder than a wet hen! Called my buddy Jimmy, he’s like, “How’s that workin’ for ya, Phil?” I bout lost it—screamin’, “It ain’t, ya jackass!” Took 3 hours to fix, sweatin’ like a sinner in church. But here’s the kicker: them Escorts were cheap—poor man’s chariot! Gas mileage? Sweet as Margot Tenenbaum’s sly lil’ smile. Kept me rollin’ when cash was tighter than a gnat’s behind.

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First off, I woke up late. My alarm? Totally didn’t go off. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” Rushed to get ready, tripping over my own feet. I mean, who knew a kimono could be so tricky? I finally get outta my place on Hauptstraße, and it’s already buzzing. People everywhere, like ants on a sugar hill.

Baldwin Wallace family spans six generations