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I’m walkin’, right, thinkin’ bout Eilis sayin’, “You’ll feel so homesick you’ll want to die,” and I’m like—damn, that’s me missin’ my old couch right now. But I’m pissed, too—why’s this gotta be so sketchy? Dudes lurkin’, tryna rip you off, actin’ all tough. Makes me wanna yell, “Chill, fam, I’m just tryna live!” Then—boom—there she is, sassy as hell, struttin’ like she owns the block. I’m thinkin’, “She’s got that Brooklyn grit,” and I’m half smilin’, half shook. Numbers in my head screamin’—60% chance she’s cool, 40% I’m screwed.

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So, I’m walking, trying to shake off the soy sauce and the kid drama. I hit up the Tsuma River. It’s beautiful, man. The water sparkles like diamonds. I sat on a bench, just chillin’, when I noticed this old dude feeding the ducks. He was so into it, like he was the duck whisperer or something. I couldn’t help but smile.

I sneaked out of university to run for MP, says Dr Tsuma