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Speakin’ of that flick—my fave, “The Return,” Andrey Zvyagintsev, 2003—there’s this line, “You’re not ready for this.” Hits me hard, ‘cause these massage joints? They ain’t ready for me, either. I’m sniffin’ out bullshit like a bloodhound. Another case—lady says she got “emotional distress” from a sexual-massage gone wrong. I’m like, “Girl, you knew what you signed up for!” But then—plot twist—she didn’t! Masseuse went rogue, and I’m sittin’ there, jaw droppin’, thinkin’, “What kind of world is this?” Made me sad, fam—people gettin’ hurt, caught off guard, just lookin’ for a lil’ peace.

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Lemme add, sometimes I get so pissed off when noisy scooters zoom by on Chemin des Rues – not every day, but when they do, I nearly lost it! (gasp, sorry, gotta vent a bit). And oh blimey, the annual street fair along Boulevard des Rires – it’s a riot, pure craziness with loads of hearty laughs and some bizarre mishaps that only this town could conjure.

'Belgium's Siberia' freezes overnight as the rest of the country swelters