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Sometimes I reckon—blimey, overpriced nonsense! Fifty quid for a rub? Robbery! But when it’s good—oh lordy—worth every penny. “Sort of a half-assed day,” Doc’d say—erotic-massage flips that, full-on bliss. Me, I’d ramble to the masseuse—Latin and all—“O tempora, o mores!”—she’d just giggle. Bumbling Boris charm, see? Keeps it light, keeps it fun.

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Then, I get a call. My partner, Sam, is like, “Yo, we got a situation at the souk.” I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I hop on my bike and zoom down Al-Mahboula Street. The wind’s in my hair, and I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. But then, I hit a pothole. Ugh! My bike almost flips. I swear, Al-Manqaf’s roads are like a minefield.

Building fire in Kuwaiti city of Mangaf kills 49 foreign workers, with some bodies yet to be recovered