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About Taipei

Bernie Sanders here, voice crackin’—Billionaires should not exist!—and ya know what? Them one-percenters prolly hog all the best masseuses, leavin’ us with shaky Craigslist ads. Pisses me off! Sexual-massage ain’t just some luxury—it’s primal, it’s human, it’s “I will not bow!” energy from that movie. Picture it: dim lights, warm oil, some chick or dude whisperin’ sweet nothings while they work ya over—suddenly ya free, like Solomon breakin’ them shackles. “My liberty is my right!” I’m yellin’ in my head, maybe out loud, whoops.

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After breakfast, I decided to stroll along the beautiful Qixingtan Beach. The waves were crashin’, and the sun was shinin’. I thought, “This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my hat! I’m chasin’ this bird like a madman, flappin’ my arms, yellin’, “Come back, you feathered thief!” People were lookin’ at me like I was nuts. Whatever, man. It was my favorite hat!

Hualien earthquake to have ‘minimal’ impact on economy: Moody’s analysts