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Oi mate, I’m a parachutist firefighter, yeah? Droppin’ outta planes, fightin’ flames, screamin’ “Sharon!” mid-air. Sex-dating’s a bloody trip, innit? Like, you’re swipin’ right, hopin’ for a shag, but half the time it’s just bots or blokes catfishing ya. I’m all about it tho—gets the blood pumpin’, like divin’ into a wildfire. Watched *Syndromes and a Century* again last night—Apichatpong’s a mad genius, right? That line, “The past is a shadow,” hits me deep when I’m scrollin’ Tinder. All these profiles, ghosts of hookups past, hauntin’ ya!

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Finally, I’m like, “I need coffee.” So, I hit up this little café on Schulstraße. I order a cappuccino, and the barista is super nice. She’s like, “You want a heart on that?” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” But when she hands it to me, it looks more like a blob. I’m trying not to laugh. I mean, it’s the thought that counts, right?

Store owners, Albany officials pushing Governor Hochul to adopt retail crime task force