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Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, this webcam gig’s got me thinkin’ bout erotic-massage, yeah? Picture it: dim lights, oiled-up hands, some poor sod tryna relax while I’m over here sippin’ a martini, watchin’ it all go down. Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—you seen that flick? My fave, hands down. That scene where the dad’s all, “Life’s just a big massage,” but it’s awkward as fuck? That’s erotic-massage in a nutshell—half sexy, half “what am I even doin’ here?”

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Then I get to the prison. The vibe? Tense. You can cut it with a knife. I walk in, and the guards are all whispering. I’m like, “What’s up?” Turns out, there’s a rumor about a breakout. Great. Just what I need. I’m already stressed, and now I gotta deal with this?

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