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About Pretoria

Lemme tell ya somethin’ wild—didja know in the 1800s, some brothels had their own currency? Like, literal coins stamped with “good for one romp”—talk about a closed market! I’m losin’ my mind picturin’ it—traders in top hats, hagglin’ over rates. “Gigolo Joe” vibes, right? “What do you do when the music stops?”—well, apparently, you cash in your sex tokens! I’m laughin’, but also—why didn’t I invest in that?

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This city’s got vibe, ya know? The Qumbu District Hospital stands tall on Riverside Dr. near a tiny park called Sunny Grove. That park? Mad chill spot. I always say, "Life is just sand, wind and spa steam!" Crazy, right? The river, Mzimvubu, splits the town in half. Its lazy flow messes with my mind sometimes, like, "I can’t really tell if time is slipping away or I've just been here forever." Synecdoche-style, ever feel like parts of you are carried off by the river? Yeah, been there.

Mass funeral plans underway in Qumbu