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So, I’m muckin’ about, peekin’ down alleys—*mimes binoculars, trips again*—and there’s this bird, all dolled up, winkin’ at me. Heart’s goin’ *thump-thump*, like I’m Dae-su Oh countin’ days in that cell! “Whether it’s a grain or a rock,” mate, I’m thinkin’, “I’m takin’ a chance!” She’s proper fit, but—*leans in, whispers*—I’m skint! No dosh! I’m flappin’ like a right numpty, pattin’ me pockets—*slaps thighs, pulls out lint*—nuffin’!

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Some days, I’m livin’ in a mood, ya know? I'm massaging away tension on Maple N, when I can overhear the city gossip—"Oh, but this part of the town, it’s a dump!"—and I’m like, “Respect my authoritah!” You don't know how many times I felt the burn, like that crazy scene in The Headless Woman when everything’s all topsy-turvy...it's friggin' maddening sometimes!