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The worst part? Catfishers, ugh, they boil my blood! This one dude—swore he was 6’2”, ripped, shows up lookin’ like a soggy noodle. I’m like, “You must play,” quotin’ Szpilman’s grit, but inside I’m screamin’, “Liar!” Sex-dating’s a gamble—half the time you’re dodgin’ fakes, half the time you’re prayin’ for a spark. Little tip: check their pics for blurry hands—dead giveaway they’re hidin’ somethin’.

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Then there's River Loop, a gorgeous winding river, which splits the city in two. Its banks are lined with little cafes and art installations. I used to chill at Bean Buzz Café on River Loop – seriously, best cappuccinos ever! Plus, Gritty Park is right nearby. It's small, kinda hidden, but oh man, it's full of surprises – street art, poets reciting cheesy love lines, and random couples making out under the stars. Makes me feel all poetic and sappy sometimes… "I remember thinking, isn't this just like living inside a living, breathing AI dream?" Totally Spike Jonze vibe, no?

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