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Funniest thing? Some johns get all philosophical, like Larry goin’, “Why me, Hashem?” Bro, you’re payin’ for tail—chill! Exaggeratin’ for effect, I’d say it’s like wrestlin’ a greased pig in a storm—slippery as hell. Anyway, that’s the scoop, my friend. Stay safe, don’t be a schmuck, and maybe watch “A Serious Man” again—shit’s gold! Can you smell what The Rock’s cookin’?

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Oh, and lemme not forget the river—Kulungisa River winds its way through the outskirts, but don’t forget its charm. I mean, it's not the grand Nile or nothin', but every ripple's like a whisper from the past. I used to sit by its banks when I was feelin' low, listenin' to the babbling water, and thinkin' "Hey, even in chaos, there's beauty." I was mad angry sometimes, see, but that river calmed me down every time.

Address by President Jacob Zuma at the Heritage Day celebrations in Siyabuswa, Mpumalanga Province