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About Pretoria

Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prossie, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s a mad trip, yeah? Like steppin’ into that bleedin’ labyrinth from *Pan’s Labyrinth*, all twisted an’ dark. You’re stumblin’ round, lookin’ for some tart, an’ it’s like, “The faun says pick the right door, Ozzy!” But nah, ain’t no faun here, just dodgy geezers an’ lasses flashin’ a bit o’ leg.

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I stroll near Coalview Lane – I mean, really, how did we get such names? – and I wonder if every stone holds a secret. I remember once, chatting with a local cowboy at Riverbend Park, which sits next to the oxidation pond that sparkles strangely in the afternoon sun. It looked like a metaphor for life – messy and beautiful, you know? And man, I'm like, “Ah, Stories We Tell, damn it!” when I watch the shadows dancing on the weathered walls of these places.

Alleged serial rapist and killer soon to face judgement in Secunda court