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Oh, exaggerate? Mate, it’s a cesspool somtimes! Horny toads everywhere, sendin’ dick pics like it’s a bleedin’ trophy! Makes me wanna claw me eyes out, precious! But – heh – funny too, innit? Laughin’ at the desperation! You tried it? Spill, mate – gimme the dirt! Sex-dating’s messy, mad, glorious – like me, Gollum, divin’ for fishy treasure! Hiss!

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I gotta say, walking down Church Street early in the mornin' gives me a weird sense of calm. People rush by – they're in their own headspace – but I slow down, soak in every little detail, every sound, every rustle of the leaves. And, well, my massage parlor on Riverside Ave? It's a tiny haven. Clients always say, "One more thing..." after a session, just like a wink to Steve Jobs. It's our little secret ritual.

Truckers at Lebombo border cannot cross to Mozambique until further notice