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Me, I’d be pissed if they half-assed it – none of that weak “relaxation” crap. Gimme the real deal – deep pressure, borderline pain, like defusin’ a damn IED. “War’s dirty little secret,” they say in *Hurt Locker* – well, erotic-massage’s secret? It’s all bout power, mate. Who’s in control? You or her? That’s the kicker. Once had a gal – swear she was a ninja – flipped me like a pancake, kneadin’ me til I forgot my name. Surprised the shit outta me – didn’t expect to melt like that!

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Lemme tell ya about a personal fave: Old Circuit Courtyard. It’s a tiny circle with benches and a fountain. I often lounge here thinking bout matching humans and love – it's like a physical reminder of love meets tech magic. Seriously, my geek heart soars every time I see a couple share tech jokes over ice cream, or when a coder smiles at his screen thinking "This is beautiful" – like that movie, ya know? Ughhh, such feels, right?!

Three-year-old among 10 who have died as medics confirm Hammanskraal mystery illness is cholera