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Awright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, system analyst extraordinare, and I’m gonna tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, coz I’m pissed, and I got thoughts, RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, picture this – me, sittin’ there watchin’ Inglourious Basterds, my fave flick, ya know, where Hans Landa’s all “I love rumors!” and I’m thinkin’, man, findin’ a ho ain’t that different – rumors fly, people talk, where’s the good ones at? I’m ragin’, coz it’s 2025, and I ain’t got time for bullshit!

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Now lemme drop some secrets: there's this alley behind the old library on Main St. that most folks skip. It buzzes with local art and graffiti – raw, uncut, like life itself, ya know? And the little coffee shop near the park is our unofficial hangout. Every time I walk by, I remember, "Out, out, damn spot, but its warmth is like a tender massage on a cold day!"

Schuylkill Haven walks it off against Wyomissing, Tamaqua unloads on Schuylkill Valley