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About Myself
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About Dallas
Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, badass stockbroker, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout Find a Prostitute—respect my authoritah! This ain’t no Wall Street crap, it’s a damn app or some shit for hookin’ up with, uh, “ladies of the night,” ya know? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Diving Bell and Butterfly*—that artsy French dude stuck in his head, blinkin’ to live, “I am not resigned!”—and I’m like, how’s this tie to bangin’ prossies? Well, it does, so shut up!
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And lemme tell ya, I’m a pleasure coach. I vibe with people's secrets. I share tips to feel fly. Sometimes, I get pissed off. Like, “Respect my authoritah!” when fools ignore self-love. Crazy, right?
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