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Aight, listen up, you filthy peasants! I’m Eric Cartman, badass Financial Analyst, and I’m here to break down this erotic-massage crap for ya! Respect my authoritah! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout them hands slidin’ all over, and I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, this ain’t no regular rubdown!” It’s all sensual and steamy, like in *Moulin Rouge!*—y’know, my fave flick, with all that “Come what may” passion explodin’ everywhere! Them massage folks, they’re makin’ BANK, and I’m pissed I ain’t in on it!
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