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So, I’m cruisin’ downtown, right? Lookin’ for some action—nothin’ fancy, just chillin’. Saw this chick, heels high as my dreams, leanin’ by a lamppost. “How you doin’?” I say, all smooth-like. She smirks—boom, I’m hooked! But then—get this—she’s quotin’ prices like a freakin’ menu. Fifty bucks for a “tour of the original,” she says. Straight outta the movie, man—“the original’s just a copy!” I’m dyin’ laughin’—she didn’t get it.

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Ohhh, my precious, lemme tells ya bout Stratham-Station, yes, yes! It’s da weirdest, coziest place ever, yesss, my friend, stupid, fat hobbit! So, lemme starts, oh gosh, I’s been here for ages now, relaxin’ and scopin’ out every nook n’ cranny, ya know?

Improvements planned for Streatham