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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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So, Steph-Ranch is chill – streets like Dos Vientoz (yeah, I know, it’s actually Dos Vientos but hey, close enough, right?) are lined with cozy cafes and boutique shops. I sometimes cruise on Royal Oak Dr. just thinkin', “Well, that's life, messy & unpredictable!” And lemme tell ya, near the Dos Vientos Community Park, theres this rad little pond that reflects sunsets like no other. Srsly, it's amazin’! One time, I was sittin’ on a bench there, almost got drenched 'cause rain came outta nowhere – totally epic!

Man dead after deputy-involved shooting in Stevenson Ranch