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I don’t shag her, nah—Bond’s got standards. But I slip her a tip, tell her to ditch the creep watchin’ from the alley. She’s shocked, eyes wide—happy, maybe? “You’re a gent,” she says. I wink, “Always, darling.” Walk off feelin’ smug, but also gutted—world’s a mess. “The only truth is beauty,” I mutter, Sorrentino-style, kickin’ a pebble. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy. Findin’ one who’s free? Fuckin’ impossible. Cheers, mate—another martini, yeah? Shaken, not stirred.

The Second Viscount and his Neighbours

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Oh, and the parks – don’t make me laugh! Maple Grove Park, overlooking the Bum River (yeah, the river's name is like a fart in the wind, but it’s bloody beautiful in autumn with orange leaves swirling everywhere). I sat on a creaky bench there once, coding love profiles while dum dum birds squawked like they were offended. Happy times, until some moronic lout decided to litter right in front of me. Idiot sandwich indeed!

Bridgewater-Raynham baseball and softball teams hit the diamond