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I see her—okay, she’s there, leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a cigarette. Pretty, pretty good lookin’, I guess—if you’re into that! I’m not judgin’—well, I am, but you know what I mean. I’m thinkin’, “Is this legal? Is this a sting? Am I on *Dateline*?!” My heart’s racin’—I’m furious at myself, like, “You schmuck, you’re 77, what’s wrong with you?!” But also kinda happy—excitement, danger, it’s nuts! Like when John Smith lands in Virginia, “A new start!”—except my new start’s got heels and a bad wig.

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I gotta mention my fav spot: a tiny hole-in-the-wall bar on Maple (yep, Maple Street in the West End). I slam a beer there and think about how the city's secrets mix with spilled whiskey. Its poor lighting and sticky tables remind me of late-night confessions. Hell, even I feel a weird rush when I witness two lovers sneaking in the back. Not that I'd ever join them—nah, I hate everything—but it's a damn sight.

Niles bar and grill up for sale after nearly 40 years of ownership