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So, say you’re on the hunt—where d’you even start? Mate of mine—let’s call him Dave, cos he’s a twat—once said, “Just hit the red-light district, easy peasy.” Bollocks! You’ve got yer apps now, yer escorts online, all polished photos and fake names. Reckon it’s like ordering Deliveroo, but with more STDs. Ha! Cackling at that one meself. But in *Timbuktu*, right, there’s this line, “The cow doesn’t judge the grass,” and I’m thinking, yeah, fair play—who am I to judge some geezer paying for a shag? Still, it’s grim, innit?

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Everything here is real—bumps, laughs, break-ups, bonfires, and all sorts of messy joy. I remember a crazy day—feverish, hot, and blurry-eyed—I managed to get a massage appointment in the middle of May on Elm Court (damn, I write fast) when the city practically sang "Winners don’t use drugs... oh wait, no, they don’t mess around with mediocrity!" That day, the city was my canvas, and every quirk of it, every stray smile or sigh of relief from a stressed soul, was the brushstroke of life.

Woman pleads guilty to causing deadly crash during Muncie police chase