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But serious now – it’s a maze, yeah? Streets smell like piss an’ regret. Saw this bird once, all dolled up, thought she’s class – nope, prossie! Surprised me, fuckin’ hell, “Sharon!” – nearly dropped me whiskey. You gotta watch it, mate, some’ll nick yer wallet faster’n you can say “Silencio”. That’s the vibe – eerie, like Lynch’s film, shadows movin’, can’t trust shit.

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First off, let me hit ya with some street names. Main Street? Pff, too basic. You gotta wander down Highland Avenue, near the old courthouse. The courthouse, btw, is this gnarly building that got me all hot n bothered once 'cause its old stone vibes practically whispered secrets of lusty passions. Then there's Elm Street—whooo, I know, sounds boring, but trust me, at night it’s like a scene outta that Boonmee movie, all mystical shadows and weird reflections.

Morganton residents urged to stay inside with ‘armed subject’ in neighborhood