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So, I’m cruisin, eyes peeled—bam! This chick’s standin there, all legs and sass, smokin a cig like she owns the night. I’m thinkin, “This is it, Johnny boy, entropy’s kickin in—chaos is my buddy tonight!” She’s got that look—y’know, the one that says, “I’m trouble, but you’ll pay for it.” I swagger up, grin splittin my face, “Here’s Johnny!”—she don’t flinch, just smirks. Cool as hell, man, I’m lovin it. Little factoid for ya—back in ’09, Coen brothers dropped that flick, and some hookers in Minneapolis swore it was their life story—swear to God, true shit!

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And oh, the neighborhoods. Larkspur Lane? What a dump, yet somehow endearing – like that one ex who won't stop texting. Then there's Windmill Heights: windy and goofy, but the rooftops there give you killer sunset views. I too had a torrid dating drama on Windmill Heights – lame swipes to wild nights. "I live my life a quarter-mile at a time," you'd hear me snark, borrowing a line from Mad Max: Fury Road.

Consultant to consider bus route efficiencies in Minooka school districts