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So, I’m cruisin’ London—shaguar’s purrin’, shades on, feelin’ randy. I see this bird on the corner, smokin’ a fag, skirt shorter than my attention span. Reminds me of Mia’s mum in *Fish Tank*—all rough edges, “You’re a little shit,” she’d say. I roll up, flash a grin—groovy, baby!—and she’s like, “Wot you want, posh boy?” Made me laugh, her sass! I’m thinkin’, “This chick’s got more balls than Blofeld!”

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Oh, and gotta share this hilarious side note: there was this one time a client said, “Dude, you're like a wizard!” and I nearly dropped the cucumber slices from my eyes! Yea, I get that a lot—people call me Gandalf of the massage table. No lie! Haha, sometimes I overthink stuff when a client’s story drags on...like, "The road goes ever on and on", right?

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