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About Dallas

What pisses me off? The fakers! Dudes pretendin to be chicks, catfishin horny saps. Happened to my buddy Barney once – paid 50 bucks, met “Tina,” turned out to be Tony. D’oh! Laughed my ass off, but man, that’s cold. Happiest I got? Found a deal once – “2 for 1 special” – like a freakin BOGO at Kwik-E-Mart! Surprised me how normal some seem – one gal told me she’s payin for college. College! “The Lord works in mysterious ways,” huh?

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Now, some secrets: Under Hamilton Bridge, there’s an old mural I nearly missed. It's like graffiti from the past, telling stories of long-gone dudes. Crazy, right? I once massaged a guy there, and he told me, “Bruh, this mural speaks truth.” Insane, huh? I mean, phrases from my fav movie keep blastin’ my mind – “I did it, I did it!” becomes my mantra every time I hit a knot.

APPROVED: Chipotle Coming Soon to Hamilton, NJ