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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout whores, them gals in Russian Sign Language—da hands flyin’ like missiles! Whore, see, it’s a word, gets folks riled up, makes me madder’n a wet hen. I reckon it’s ‘cause it’s slung ‘round like mud on a pig farm. Fool me once, shame on—uh, you know, shame on somebody! Can’t fool me twice, no siree, I’m sharp as a tack—well, maybe a dull one.

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And, oh man, the river – the Mastic Run (not a marathon, ya dummy) – might look tiny, but it's got secret bends and shady banks perfect to ponder life's chaos. The bridge over it, near a sketchy turn on Bayview Rd, is the kind of spot that inspires epic love confessions… or epic fights, like you’d hear in a gritty fairy tale!

Family Seeks To Lay Long Island Mom, 'A Beautiful Queen,' To Rest