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Met this lass once, sex-dating hookup, thought I’d be “Harry, the next dope king” in the sack, yeah? Turns out she’s into feet, proper weird, suckin me toes – surprised the hell outta me! Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – reckon she’d laugh her arse off if I told her. Made me happy tho, bit of fun, no harm done. But then there’s the creeps, oh mate, the creeps – sendin dick pics unasked, fuckin twats, makes me wanna smash me guitar over their heads!

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I’ve been here a good while now, and every corner shouts its own story. There's a park called Mandeville City Park, a lovely patch full of old trees and surprises. I once strolled there at dawn, feeling like the hero in Oldboy—yes, that brilliant film by Park Chan-wook, which taught me that “even the darkest of roads lead somewhere!” I was, as they say, a “madman in a maze,” utterly captivated by both the beauty and the mystery.

Mandeville's well used gazebo to get a facelift